React or Respond? Build Habits to Keep Your Cool

Think about the last time you did something in the heat of the moment and then immediately regret it. Maybe it was a snarky comment to your spouse after a long day at work. Or perhaps on your way to work, when some ‘idiot’ cut you off, you glared at them as you flew by, or gave them a piece of your mind with a few choice obscenities, or perhaps even offered a physical gesture to express your anger.

As a highly passionate person who acts impulsively at times, I long believed my emotional reactions were just a part of who I was. Like being left-handed or stubborn or extraverted. But unlike an inherent trait, EQ is malleable, a skill like any other that can be learned or improved upon.

Self-regulation is one of the components of EQ. And like all aspects of EQ, it is within one’s control. (Learning this, the word regret came to mind thinking about how I let my ego get the best of me when I left a company on bad terms several years ago. I recently reached out to my former boss to make amends. That letter is included at the end of this article.)

Responding vs. Reacting — What’s the Difference?

Though they sound similar, reacting and responding are two very different things.

A reaction is instinctual and instantaneous. Reactions are rooted in survival instincts — our…