Optimism & Wristbands
Meet Kyle, a 21-year-old brain cancer survivor and optimist
Father’s Day was June 21, and Illinois had recently moved to Phase 3 of its re-opening plan, allowing socially distant outdoor dining. My son Henry asked if his buddy Kyle could join us for dinner.
I hadn’t seen Kyle in several years when he was one of a dozen boys who regularly hung out in our basement playing Madden and Call of Duty. Kyle was a late addition to the neighborhood crew as he did not move to the area until he was 15. I remembered him as unfailingly polite…so polite, in fact, that I jokingly referred to him as ‘Eddie Haskell’ a time or two. (For those of a younger generation, Eddie Haskell was a character in the 1950s and 60s sitcom ‘Leave it to Beaver’ who uses flattery to impress parents but is a troublemaker with friends.) Kyle would always stop by to chit chat and his, ‘Hi Mrs. Pierce! How are you doing today?’ exuberance was in stark contrast to the other boys’ mumbles of ‘hey’ or ‘fine’ as they scurried down to the basement as fast as possible.
So I was not surprised, as we headed to dinner that evening, by Kyle’s high energy and talkativeness. At the restaurant, we sat outside, overlooking the river walk. Shortly after we ordered, Kyle honed in on the wristband I was wearing: Be Good To People. ‘Cool! Where’d you get that, Mrs. Pierce?’ I told him a bit about the journey I had gone on over the past year and how kindness is a virtue I strive for every day — the wristband is my reminder when I fall into old habits of negativity or judging others. (No irony there..) Kyle became even more animated and explained how that is EXACTLY what he strives for too.
It started to rain — a downpour, actually — and we all moved a little closer together under the awning. Kyle’s crab cake got soggy. He laughed as he sat back down in the rain and said, ‘Isn’t this great?!’ He started eating again and kept talking.
I looked at Henry and mused aloud how nice it is to be around someone as positive as Kyle. Henry quickly reminded me that Kyle had beaten cancer, and that’s why he’s so positive. I had forgotten. Kyle had moved to our neighborhood after he was in remission, so I never knew the whole story, although I was aware. I couldn’t help it…I started to interrogate the poor kid.
Kyle was happy to oblige, saying he hadn’t talked this much about that period in his life in years. Not an ounce of self-pity, just an optimistic narration of events.
‘You cannot do kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late…’ Ralph Waldo Emerson
When Kyle was in middle school, his mom was diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer. Kyle’s parents tried to keep life as normal as possible for Kyle and his older brother while their mom underwent increasingly aggressive treatments. When Kyle started high school a year later, he joined the soccer team, where he was required to take a sports physical. A vision test indicated abnormalities, and he was referred to a neurologist, where an MRI showed a golf ball-sized tumor on Kyle’s optic nerve. The tumor was deemed inoperable, and Kyle was put on an aggressive chemotherapy plan. Within weeks Kyle was completely bedridden and sickly, with no improvement to the cancer.
Kyle begged his parents and the doctors to stop treatment. His parents feared chemotherapy would take Kyle from them before the cancer and engaged the doctors to request treatment be discontinued. They were told it was not possible, and if they continued to push it, Child Protection Services would be contacted, where the doctors would then make all health-related decisions on Kyle’s behalf. Kyle’s parents aggressively sought alternative opinions.
A renowned neurosurgeon at the Mayo Clinic reviewed Kyle’s case and estimated a 20% chance the tumor could be removed successfully. Kyle and his parents jointly decided to proceed. As Kyle explained, ‘It was worth the risk to me. I knew that I was probably going to die anyway — may as well have a chance, even if a small one, then no chance and still be really sick for the rest of my life.’
What Kyle did not know at the time was that insurance would not cover the experimental surgery. Kyle’s parents had to sell their house and his dad’s business to pay for it. Kyle only learned recently of the sacrifices his parents made for him, and he became emotional, describing how grateful he was for their support.
The timing was of the essence. The tumor was causing swelling of blood vessels in his brain, that if ruptured, could cause a stroke or worse. Kyle was prevented from flying, so his family made the 8-hour drive to Minnesota the day after Christmas. Kyle remembers the surgeon wearing cowboy boots and assuring Kyle that he’s ‘got this’. Kyle laughs, remembering how much the surgeon’s assurance made him feel confident.
(Below)MRI image showing tumor and enlarged blood vessels
That confidence was well-founded as the surgery was a success. The surgeon was able to remove 100% of the tumor but, in doing so, scraped Kyle’s optic nerve, resulting in permanent peripheral vision impairment to his right eye.
Kyle nonchalantly takes another bite of his meal and a sip of beer. I hadn’t noticed anything amiss with his vision and asked how it impacts him. He then ‘showed’ what he could and couldn’t see: he could see me sitting across from him, and he could see Henry fine on his left. But he had to turn his head 90 degrees to the right to see my husband, who was sitting adjacent to Kyle’s right side. He joked that he always tries to sit with the good-looking girls on his left side.
Henry interjected with stories of how Kyle — even visually impaired — was still a better gamer than many of their friends. ‘We’d be playing Madden, and Kyle would always do the exact same play — throwing far to the right…and every single time (their friend) would be surprised..’ Henry mimics Kyle with his body perpendicular to a ‘tv’ looking over his left shoulder to make a play. ‘DUDE, this guy is BLIND, and he still kicks you’re a**!’ Kyle adds to the stories, pretending to be on the phone, ‘Dude, you need to pick me up...I can’t drive…come on, man, I’M BLIND!’ He jokingly says, ‘it always works to pull the blind card!’
Although he’s never driven a car, he says with so many great friends, it’s never been an issue. And besides, there’s always Uber. ‘But really,’ he says, ‘why would I complain? I had an 80% chance of dying, and all I lost was my peripheral vision? Seriously that is a miracle. I am so grateful — I am so happy to be alive.’
(Below) Kyle today, looking forward to graduating college next spring.
Kyle’s mom died from breast cancer less than two years after his successful brain surgery. When Kyle graduated high school, his dad moved to Colorado to gain residency so Kyle could attend Colorado State University, where he is entering his last year as a communications major/entrepreneurship minor.
Towards the end of dinner, the rain stopped, and the sun came out. We had moved on to other discussion topics, but I had to ask — how was he physically? Had he had any further issues after the tumor was removed? Kyle said that he stopped the frequent MRI and follow-up visits once he turned of age as he wanted to move forward without reminders of that time. ‘If I get sick again, so be it.’ For now, he says he feels great and is looking forward to graduating from college next spring. ‘I just take one day at a time.’ As we finished our dinner, a rainbow appeared in the sky.
Walking back to the car, we passed several boarded-up stores from the vandalism and riots a few weeks earlier. Colorful cards and messages of hope covered the boarded-up windows. Kyle and Henry walked ahead, making plans for later that evening. But what I remember most, looking at those shuttered stores, was hearing Kyle’s voice, bursting with energy from earlier, saying, ‘Life is sooo good, Mrs. Pierce!’ And all I could think was, indeed it is, Kyle. Indeed it is.
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